A very happy (belated) Easter, from my family to yours!
It was undoubtedly a blessed weekend down here in sunny south Florida, and I was fortunate enough to spend the holiday surrounded by plenty of love, smiles, and good company. Plus some sweet potato fries shared with my vampire-skinned boyfriend, but that goes without saying.
But in all seriousness—it was truly a much-needed weekend full of love. Although this only marked my second Easter as a Christian, it was the first that I truly was able to recognize what God’s grace looks like in my life, and how important it is for me to make note of it on a regular basis.
I haven’t spoken a lot on the blog about the shenanigans that have been taking place in my personal life since my move down to Miami, but to say that they have been emotionally draining is a vicious understatement. These past 8 months have been full of far more sadness, anger, and apathy than I’d care to admit, but also guilt and frustration for even letting myself get so down with a life that’s so full. I’ve been challenged like never before to maintain drive in a world that seems to be constantly telling me I’m not doing the right things at the right times, and have fallen prey to far too many lies about not having what it takes, or knowing right from wrong.
Then I went through a period where I even blamed God for putting me through these trials and wondered “why me?!” as I pathetically dreaded each new decision. I looked in the mirror and hated the fact that I couldn’t snap out of my slump. I couldn’t turn around my frown. It wasn’t as easy as it always had been, and I blamed God for that.
Yet even with all of the anger that sat in my heart, He still continued to bless me. He still continued to make things better, little by little. He still answered my prayers in small effortless installments. He showed me that I didn’t have to work for His love, or earn it through my “Godliness” or an attitude adjustment. He continued to make all things new each day, and I didn’t even have the eyes to notice until I looked around this past weekend and realized that things were drastically looking brighter.
All I can say is thank goodness that God doesn’t base His love for me on how much I deserve it through my actions or demeanor. Thank goodness that I’m as blameless as His perfect son, who died and rose again for my naturally selfish nature. Thank goodness that I’m continually showered with love and blessings, although oftentimes my attitude deserves nothing even similarly close to it.
To say that this Easter was the same as any other is also a major understatement, as I think that I’m starting to finally understand why all of this painful pruning is absolutely necessary for the planting of any progress.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” – Romans 8:28 MSG